miss u love

its sad when i realize how much i miss him...
i never really had any dreams where i could clearly see his face in them, but i had one the other night. i was lonely and he was there just like how it was before...
i wish things were the way they were before. things made more sense and i wasn't so lost.
i know i can manage on my own, but i feel so empty without him.
i sometimes try to find a substitute but deep down i know no one will ever be able to replace him.
hmmm...first love, first heart break.
i guess its something everyone has to go through.
i like the fact that no one else knows about it thou, i'm able to hide from it and act like it isn't there.
i guess this is just the first break-up syndrome.
i've been moving on better then i had expected but still not as much as i would like to.
i guess it just shows how much he meant to me.
i don't like to get all depressed and all so i just don't think about it much, but i having that dream kinda makes me think that it's catching up to me.
well, only time will tell. i just hope i don't break someone else's heart on the way.

time to let go

it came so sudden and doesn't always seem true
but it has been decided and theres nothing i can do.

my heart is still attached but my mind knows what needs to be done.
but how am i to go about not following my heart?

the decision wasn't wrong,
it was a necessary sacrifice that had to be made,
but it was more severe then i had braced myself for.

how do you let go of each other when you know it's not because of the lack of love?
how do you accept a decision to let go of your heart?
how can a year and five months just disappear like it was all just a phase in life?

it wasn't a phase for me.
i gave it all i had.
i invested myself into it and had faith in it.
and in one day, it all just went away like it was all just a dream.

just a dream

it was a dream i didn't want to wake up from,
a dream that i lived for.

yes, the priority was more important,
but my heart has just as muc importance to me.

it feels impossible to just simply let go.
there is nothing to hate or dispise against.
there is only lonelyness and a void in my life now that it's been taken away from me.

how do i live with this?
how do i heal from this?

he was my everything,
he was my motivation in every moment of my day
he was my life,
and now he's gone. just simply gone.

my heart doesn't know how to cope with it so it tries to shield it's self from reality
i've never heard this kind of ending from anyone before...
or mayb i have but it's just so much differnt when it's me in those shoes.

i'm so lost right now.
i feels like a severe cut.
when the injury is so bad that your body sends out signals to numb the pain
i know the cut is there, but the full pain and reality hasnt sunkin in yet.

save me, don't leave me.
i will make all the sacrifices i need to,
just not the sacrifice of you.

hide-kun ^-^

Hide-kun ^-^

his presence is so addicting,
just his scent will make my heart feel out of control.

his passionate brown eyes are so mesmerizing,
they embrace my soul with just one look.

his powerful hugs are still so caressing,
they sieve out all that is negative
and lull my body to a peaceful, dreamlike state.

his loyal love has earned all my trust,
it leaves no room for questions.

he is...

he is my love,
who makes me whole,
and never fails to be there for me.

he is my world,
and will never leave,
or let me go.

he is my reason,
for waking up every morning,
eager to start the day,

he is my savior,
the one who catches me
in order to never let me fall.

he is my Hide-kun,
and i am forever in his debt.
i will always be at his side,
and will never stop trying to repay him
for all he has done for me and all that he has given me.

he is and will always be the only man in my heart!
Itsumo aishiteru my Hide-kun, yakusokusuru!! ^x^

i miss you so much...

i miss you so much...

it hurts sometimes to think of you,
all i wanna do is curl up into a ball
in the comfort of my bed
and cry myself to sleep
so i may dream of being with you again.

this most definetly will be a long week for me.

i know you'll be back in 6 days,
i know you'll love me no less,
i know you're thinking of me like i think of you,
i know we're always connected no matter what's between us,
be it space, time, or that annoying "work wall".

i just dont know how long i can go
without seeing your loving smile
or hearing your embracing voice.

childish as it may seem to write all this,
i try to hold myself together,
i try to hold in my tears,
i try to look forward to your few calls
and our rezndevous in my dreams.

i just hate the fact of not being able to run to you
to hug you and hold you
to be in your arms and feel safe.

i know your enjoying yourself,
and no matter how hard you may try to convince me or yourself,
i know you are not missing me as much as i miss you.
you have your family time, and i envy that.
i dont want you to worry,
so i try not to show it when you text or call.

you deserve this break,
but i cant possibly word how much i miss you.

enjoy my love
itsumo aishiteru, yakusokusuru
*mu-mu-muah!!*

all i need is...

all i need is...

your arms around me
your heart beating against mine
your hands in mine
your scent tied with mine
your strength
your protection
your love
your passion...

all i need is you

wisher

wisher
i wish you knew
i wish you saw...

i wish they knew
i wish they saw...

knew the intensity of the heart
saw the wondressness of thee...

could it be possible
that i missed it as well??

dreamer

dreamer
ever wished for
someone to hold you
and whisper in your ear
that everything is
going to be alright...

does it seem
like your doomed
to roam the earth never
finding that right person...

you fall asleep
just so that you can be
with that person,
but when you wake up,
instead of huging them,
you find it's just your pillow...

priorities...egh

i know i can do better
i know i can overcome my stubornness
but will it be in time?

you've offered me so many open doors to take the chance to do the right thing
but i never took them because i was just too stuborn.
i need to stay focused and keep striving for what i want out of life.
thank you for always being there for me.
i appreciate your concern so much but now i need to keep to my end
and know when to "bite the bullet" and study.

i will try my best to keep on track but right now i am straying far from it.
i'm sry for making you suffer for it.
i will try to find ways to work around it and make things better.

thank you again for all your support and love.
i honestly don't know what i'd do without you.
you are my one and only and i would have it no other way.


incubus-i miss you

To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said "I miss you"?

I see your picture.
I smell your skin on
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you.

old stuff

I thought I saw how big the world could be but guess what…just when I thought that was the biggest it could get for me, another door opened behind me and sucked me in to see that the world is still much, much greater and larger then you would ever imagine.
Also, I found it amazing how from one point of view, you could see some minds as very large and vast, filled with realizations that others have not yet come to focus on, then you can change that point of view and see that mind smaller then you expected…but don’t think that’ the end, there are also minds in which you think are very small and quiet, but if you take a look at the bigger picture and see into all the details they know or think of, that mind could be much larger then you would have ever thought.

I’ve tried to look, or keep an eye out for those people who are very creative and speak words that are so mesmerizing to me, but what I didn’t realize was that those people weren’t very far away, some were right under my nose and I just didn’t take the effort to look at what I had pushed below me.

It’s like how some people have said…you can look at a poor man on the streets in disgust because he looks useless, worthless, or unfortunate, but take a minute to think about it huh…what if he had a great childhood, a great family, losses to teach great appreciation and discipline, gains to teach great confidence, and a soul who is independent and doesn’t need anyone to show him the way or to lean on. What if he had the greatest life but decided to give it up to help others gain what they weren’t able to in their life. What if he made a sacrifice thinking he had his great times and it was time to pass it on to someone less fortunate? What if he lived his life better then any human could and felt it was time to let go. He could have so much and personal experience and such that we will never have the privilege to see with our own eyes. You can never tell if that stranger you give a weird smirk to is greater then any man on the planet for his great knowledge and experiences.
I think I’ve babbled on long enough…BeLiEvE…good day